A Maybe Move

I'm one of those people who needs to know details. If something's going to happen, I want to know how, where, when, why, and what exactly will happen. When we take a road trip, I have everything listed way in advance - what to bring, when we leave, how long it will take, where we'll stay, sleeping arrangements, as many details as possible. I like to know what's going to happen. I like knowing that whether I've had a good day or a bad day, whether the apartment is clean or messy, whether the kids are being angels or demons, when I wake up tomorrow my life will still be very much the same.

So it's really hard for me that there's the possibility of big change coming up. Lately Jeff has been increasingly unsatisfied with his job. There's a lot involved, but basically he has applied at a reference lab in Utah, and has a phone interview this Friday. We may be moving to the Salt Lake area in the next couple of months - maybe by the end of November. And I'm a nervous wreck!

Until recently, I thought that we would be living in our current town for a very long time. We talked about getting a larger apartment. We made a hobby of looking at houses online. We discussed what neighborhoods we liked here in town, and I even have a favorite house that I would love to move into. And then to learn, slowly yet suddenly, that we may not even be in the same state by December, has totally thrown me for a loop. We have no details, big or small. Everything hinges on whether or not Jeff actually gets this job that he's applied for.

Jeff is really excited about this, and has a "the sooner the better" attitude. Meanwhile, I'm freaking out about all sorts of stuff - how we're supposed to find a place to live, how we'll be able to afford a move, what happens if he doesn't get the job, and a thousand other questions that are just cramming themselves into my mind, making me totally unable to function! Mostly I'm worried about living arrangements. Apartments there are more expensive than they are here, and we'll probably be wanting a three bedroom because our family won't stay this size forever. I'm concerned because it took us months and months to find a place to live here, but we had my family to stay with then. We'll have to be able to find something right away if he gets the job, but how do we work that out if we live several hours away? And we have to find someplace close to his job. Here Jeff can just ride his bike. If he has to take the car in Utah, I don't want him to have to drive far, as gas prices, though falling, are still prohibitive. And if he has the car everyday, we will probably have to get another vehicle because I will have things that need done, errands to run etc, during the day while he's at work. So there's that to consider as well.

And if we move, we have to thoroughly clean the apartment, and I have bittersweet feelings about that! ;-) And there's dejunking that has to be done, and major packing, and deciding what to keep and what to throw away. How do I spend my days, if I don't even know what I'm supposed to be preparing for? Do we keep working on food storage, or start eating up what we've worked so hard to store so that we don't have to cart all that food to SLC and can save some money in the meantime? I know I need to be getting rid of stuff, and that's something I can do whether we end up moving or not. But that's the only thing (well, that and cleaning) that I can do to prepare until I know what's going to happen!

It's driving me crazy - I want to curl up in a closet somewhere and just rock back and forth crying because I don't know what's going to happen and that just really upsets me! I mean, we may not even move at all! And I'll have to remain in this state of unknowing limbo until we find out if Jeff gets that job, which won't happen at least until after the phone interview on Friday afternoon, and there will probably be waiting after that as well. So that's at least several days of this torture. Grraaaarrggggghhhhh!!!!

Well, may I keep my head about me and use my time wisely - dejunking and cleaning. Then, even if we don't end up moving and all this freak-festing was for nothing, at least the apartment will look nicer.