So this hasn't been diagnosed or anything, because I just don't ever go to the doctor because it costs an arm and a leg, but I am fully convinced that I suffer from depression. I think it's postpartum depression. I got it after Zaylee, and now again, much worse, after Thomas. I often have days, even weeks, that it is just hard to live.
Today was one of those days.
Nothing in particular happened to make it a difficult day. I have just felt completely awful all day. I neglected the kids - what little attention I paid them was scolding them for things that wouldn't have irritated me on a normal day. I've been short-tempered with Jeff. I can barely look at myself in the mirror. My facial expressions today have ranged from blank stare to grimace to scowl.
It's just been a really hard day.
7 comments:
I am so sorry--I can definitely relate though--it's been tough over here too. I hate that feeling.
I would talk to your Bishop--he can help you find some services that should be free...at least it would get you on the right track. Your health is MOST IMPORTANT! Don't put it by the wayside just because of money...money comes and goes, but you are MOST important!!
Ditto to what Rachel said. Definitely go talk to your bishop. That's what he is there for and it is most important to take care of yourself so that you can take care of your family.
I'm so sorry! Hope things get better!
Oh sweetie. I'm sorry. I've been there and I know it's hard. I think Mark is used to my ups and downs now, he just brushes them off, but it's hard to be so grrr with my kids. They don't understand why Mommy is cranky, or just doesn't care. And not having money for meds doesn't help you either. Talking to the bishop will help if you feel comfortable with him. He may be inspired with something that you need. And you can ask for a blessing to help you get through the downer times too. The Lord doesn't ever put a limit on the number of blessings you can receive for certain situations. And you know they are done in complete confidence, it doesn't have to be spread around church that "you have issues". That would be a good way for Jeff to show you he cares too. Mark did one for me during a hard time, and he said he didn't realize what I was going through until he gave me the blessing. Think about it, okay? I love you!
Awwww! I will be praying for you!!!! I know how you feel b/c I, too, have been there! I got post-pardom after both of my pregnancies. I was on medicine for awhile which can def. help. Don't be embarrassed or afraid to talk about it b/c it is much more common than people realize. There is help out there and you can feel tons better!!! It is a process, but just know that IT WILL GET BETTER!!!!! I can totally identify!!!!! I will be praying and thinking of you!!!! Hang in there and know you are not alone!!!!!!!
Post partum depression is very rel and does get worse with each baby. It last up to 2 years after your baby is born and can very much affect your relationship with your spouse and your children. You beat yourself up too because you think you should feel a certain way and it's not happening. You could go to your bishop, but depending on his experience he may not understand what you're going through. A blessing is definitely worth it. I would recommend you call Aunt LaNita and visit with her about it. It is something she has had experience with. We are not talking about the run of the mill baby blues you get right after birth when your hormones are adjusting. It is real.
I had postpartum after Lexi. Thankfully it didn't last too long but I can definitely relate. Hope you start feeling better!
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