So tired!

I'm really tired right now. Last night was hard on me. Thomas would not go to sleep! From 9:30 to 11:30 he was screaming. I put him in his crib at 9:30, and he immediately started crying. No big deal, he sometimes fights sleep. So after about 5 minutes I went in, made sure he had his binkie, and laid him down, then went out.

Still screaming. I waited another 10 minutes, then did it all over again. Usually after this he quiets down and is asleep before the next 15 minutes are up.

Not this time.

I went in after 15 minutes, then 20. Nothing I did helped. Usually this Ferber-like treatment works great - like I said, he falls asleep after the first or second try. But this time it just didn't work.

I had nursed him at 8:30, so he wasn't hungry.

I gave him Tylenol (he's working on another tooth) at around 10. No change.

I was getting exhausted. I just wanted to go to bed. But how was I supposed to go to sleep if Thomas was still awake and screaming?!

To pass the time I changed into pajamas, took out my contacts, wrote in my journal, checked blogs, all sorts of getting-ready-for-bed things. But he just kept sleeping.

Did I mention that all through this Jeff was snoozing peacefully on the couch? The things that man can sleep through...

Finally, at 11:30 or so Thomas quieted down and eventually fell asleep. I was afraid to go to bed, afraid that he would start crying again, that it was just a fluke. But luckily, he stayed asleep until about 5 the next morning.

You'd think that would mean that I must have slept well, right? Wrong. I don't know what it was, but I just couldn't sleep! Tossing and turning, laying still, blankly staring at the window or the ceiling or the bookshelf, eyes open, eyes shut - I just lay there wide awake. If I happened to drop off, I would suddenly find myself awake again after only 20-30 minutes, and then take another hour to fall asleep again.

It was absolutely miserable!

I was almost glad when Thomas woke up and I actually had an excuse to be awake. Anyway, I fed him and put him back to bed, then drifted in and out of sleep until the alarm went off at seven. I groaned, covered my eyes with my hands, and fell back asleep until 7:30.

Then it was time to be up and getting ready for the day. And I've been tired all day. Imagine that.

A small update on the calling I didn't want - I talked to the counselor in the bishopric this morning and told him of my concerns, and that I just didn't think I could handle this calling. I've been stressing and crying over it all week. My feelings about this were very strong, and it was making me miserable. He said he understood, and that was that. I don't have to worry about it. This is the first time I've ever turned down a calling. I still feel very bad that I did it, and I will definitely not make a habit of turning down callings! But I feel a huge sense of relief that I won't be in that calling. And we made it understood that I'm not off the hook - I'm totally willing to be put to work, and will be given a different calling soon.

Anyway, I think it's definitely bed time. Maybe tonight I'll actually get to sleep some! Here's hoping...