I don't really know what to say about today. There have been nice parts, but overall I'm feeling very low. I received a calling today that I
DESPERATELY don't want. It was the one calling I absolutely promised myself that I would turn down if it were ever issued to me again. But when the second counselor in the bishopric told me about it, I was so shocked all I could say was, "okay," over and over again. He noticed some hesitancy (Hesitancy? It was all I could do to keep from sobbing!!) and kept saying that if I was really uncomfortable with it, I could say no. But it just feels so wrong to turn down a calling, you know? Especially since he kept saying that they really need me in this calling. For me this feels like a lose-lose situation. If I turn it down, I'll feel relief, yes, but I'll also feel regret - thinking that I had the chance for growth and blessings but rejected it. But accepting this calling makes me want to scream and sob and pull my hair out! I don't think I can do it!! I'm starting to cry just writing all this.
On a more cheerful note, and to clear my head: One nice thing about today was that after choir, the music chair (who also sings in the choir and provides the bouquet of flowers for Sacrament Meeting) offered to let me take home the beautiful bouquet of flowers today. So I now have a lot of pretty flowers in a nice vase gracing the table.
Those flowers were a very much needed pick-me-up!
But somehow, it doesn't seem quite enough.
Those flowers were a very much needed pick-me-up!
4 comments:
Oh sweetie.... I'm sorry you had such a down day. I could say all that "the Lord needs you there for a reason" stuff, which you already know, but it is true. I didn't want Nursery, at all, but I didn't realize how stressed Primary pianist was making me until I was out. And I did enjoy myself the few months I was in there. Did they sustain you yet? Make sure you get set apart. That is the most important thing. It may give you the confirmation you need from the Lord that he has a reason he wants you there. And you know he won't give you anything that he won't help you handle. Notice, it's not always something you can do by yourself already, but it is always something he will HELP you with. Love ya lots, sis... If you want to talk, give me a call...
I am so sorry--and I wish I knew what to say. Obviously I don't know what calling it is--would guess nursery...but only because that is the way I would react if I were called there! :)
I hope that you are able to find peace and feel good about it if you choose to accept it.
But on a happy note, I LOVE your flowers!
Awwww! I feel so bad and I know exactly how you feel. I just finished a big project for the school (for the 2nd yr. in a row) and (it takes about five months to finish this project). I, too, said I would never do it again. I know how I would feel if asked to continue!!!! I would probably lay down and cry and possibly have panic attacks.
Just know that we are praying and thinking of you!!!!! :) You have blessed my life already by becoming my blogger friend! :))
Those are beautiful flowers. I don't know what your calling is, but I hope it goes well and that you are able to have good experiences with it. I know how you feel...there are more than a couple callings that I would cry about if I got. Somehow it seems those are the ones we always end up with.
Post a Comment