I Am

This is the tag from Rachel's blog. You're tagged if you want to be.

• i am: a mom. It's a good thing to be, but I think it's taken over my life. Isn't it kind of sad that it's the absolute first thing every mom thinks of? What would I put if someone told me that "wife" and "mother" were off limits? I'm not sure I know who I am anymore.
  
• i think: I am in an introspectively sad mood right now.
  
• i know: that I can do better. Whatever I do, somehow I know I could be doing it better.
  
• i want: to be able to eat whatever I want and not gain weight. Yeah right.
• i have: a really smart husband.
  
• i wish: I were in Hawaii right now.
  
• i hate: my new church calling. It gives me cold chills. Does that make me a bad person?
  
• i miss: my college friends in Rexburg. I haven't been able to make good friends here, and I really miss how easy it was at BYU-I.
  
• i fear: that I may not be raising my kids right. Will they pick up all my bad habits? Am I doing enough to teach them, and to prepare them for life?
  
• i feel: incredibly inadequate.
  
• i hear: my kids. Zaylee is finishing up a cookie, and slurping appreciatively. Thomas is talking to himself while crawling around under the table.
  
• i smell: peanut butter. We just had sandwiches for lunch.
  
• i crave: sleep.
  
• i search: for Thomas' pacifier in the middle of the night when he has lost it under his crib.
  
• i wonder: why my apartment is so difficult to keep clean. It's small, it shouldn't be that hard!
  
• i regret: lots of things.
  
• i love: beautiful things, especially in nature. Flowers, trees, mountains, clouds, rivers, oceans, all those lovely things.
  
• i ache: when I have a migraine, several times a week.
  
• i care: about what other people think of me.
  
• i always: put off doing the dishes until they're about to make the kitchen explode.
  
• i am not: a good housekeeper or homemaker.
  
• i believe: that Thomas is sleepy.
  
• i dance: when I remember to put in my aerobics video. Or when I play silly songs on the stereo with Zaylee.
  
• i sing: in the ward choir. And to my children. They love it.
  
• i cry: during almost every movie I watch. Even the silly movies that shouldn't be able to make anyone cry.
  
• i don’t always: know what to say. So mostly I err on the side of too little and don't say anything at all.
  
• i fight: with Zaylee sometimes, trying to get her to stop hitting or pushing Thomas.
  
• i write: everything that I eat, and how many calories it has. Yes, it actually works.
  
• i win: when I step on the scale and realize that the numbers have once again gone down a little bit.
  
• i lose: most games I play against Jeff. He has this strange ability to win almost any game he plays.
  
• i never: have enough time to do everything I want and need to do.
  
• i confuse: myself.
  
• i listen: much more than I talk. Especially on the phone with my sister!
  
• i can usually be found: in my apartment, in front of the computer. Unless it's laundry day, then I'm at Mom's house. I never really go anywhere.
  
• i am scared: that I may never really be happy.
  
• i need: to spend less time on the computer and more time doing real-life things that are more important.
  
• i am happy about: the flowers I was given yesterday.